Humour : Corrupt Indian Bureaucrat building Taj Mahal for wife

New Delhi : Mr Ghotala Prasad, an IAS officer in the Ministry of Urban & Rural Development has started construction on building a replica of the “Taj Mahal” to pacify his wife, who is reportedly unhappy of the fact that Mr Ghotala is not spending the bribes and commissions that he has accumulated over his tenure as a bureaucrat in the Indian Government. Sources close to Mrs Ghotala have claimed that she was quite upset that she had to face a lot of problems negotiating the amount of bribe to be given to the  Income Tax officials who used to regularly drop in to conduct an Income Tax raid at her house.

Due to these issues, she had often threatened to force Mr Ghotala to drink  karele ka Juice  and only cook dishes that involve  “Karela”, this being the vegetable which she knows Mr Ghotala hates to the core. Apart from that she has also threatened to invite her mother to come and live with her, which she knows would rile up Mr Ghotala.

    Mr Ghotala had initially thought about showering his wife with expensive jewellery but then decided to go ahead and build a full scale replica of the Taj Mahal to ensure that she does not invite his mother in law to come and live with him. On enquiring on the costs involved to replicate the Taj Mahal he replied that it was a small price to pay and would just cost him a fraction of his assets in the numerous bank accounts in the various tax havens around the world, and he would be able to recover the money with the commissions from the various contractors who are bidding for some of the infrastructural projects which have been stalled by his ministry.


 Please Note : This article is a work of fiction with no disrespect intended to the characters in this article.

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Humour : Crime Master Gogo thinking about joining Indian Politics

New Delhi : As there have been some rumors regarding  Crime master Gogo the great nephew of Mogambo thinking about standing up in the upcoming elections, we decided to do an interview with him to clarify our doubts, here is the  full transcript

Nautanki Reporter (NR) : Namaste Mr GoGo, how are you ?
Crime Master Gogo (CMG) : Abe chavaani chaap reporter how dare you address me as just Mr GoGo don’t you know I am Crime Master GoGo so you better start addressing me as Crime Master GoGo-ji otherwise Aankhen nikaal kar gotiyan khelunga
NR : Oh sorry, mistake mein galti se ho gaya….Sir can you please can you clarify if you are going to stand for the upcoming election ?
CMG : Well yes, after all most of my jail buddies are elected representatives there in the parliament, so I am actually looking to meet them
NR : So what will be your election symbol ?
CMG : Well I am thinking of applying for a revolver as a election symbol, after all it projects  my true  occupation, I am just wondering why all the other political parties haven’t chosen this symbol, as a majority of these political parties employ people who are experts at swindling, extortion  & killings.
NR : So sir can you please elaborate on any new changes that you wish to introduce to improve the lives of the common man.
CMG : Well there are quite a lot, I was thinking about introducing some laws to fix the percentage the amount of money swindled by politicians and also bring in laws to decrease the pressure of the law on Kidnappers & Extortionists you know !!,this will inturn benefit the common people as they would have a more organized mugging & extortion schedule, after all business is very bad these days and there is so much pressure  that is being put on us by the great Mogambo to increase our crime rate.
NR : Thank you Mr GoGo…er….Crime Master Gogo-ji
CMG : Dhakki tiki dhakki tiki dhakki tiki thaa… Crime Master Gogo………… Khush Hua

Please Note : This article is a work of fiction with no disrespect intended on the characters in this article.

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Humour : Dog refuses to participate in pet fashion show

New Delhi : "Napoleon" the long bodied, short & stubby legged 5 year old dachshund of Mrs Jhumki Thumki, who lives in the posh areas of Greater Kailash II has refused to participate in the local dog fashion show, citing the pressure on him to wear outrageous outfits in front of the other dogs.

In an exclusive interview that we had with Mrs Jhumki Thumki's favorite pet Napoleon, he claimed that in-spite of being highly educated, multi - millionaires, Delhi-ites actually have no fashion sense, and are usually don't care much about their dogs who have often been the subject of much ridicule & fun to the other dogs in the locality (especially other street dogs) as they parade around with really weird hairstyles & make-up that they have to endure to compete in the pet show.

On the other hand Mrs Jhumki Thumki is very upset at her pet dog's refusal to participate in the pet show, as this has robbed her the opportunity to flaunt her new 30 lakh rupee necklace in front of Mrs Arora, who is often seen trying to project her wealth over other ladies in their area kitty party. She claimed that she had spent a fortune on getting a doggy manicure and a expensive hairstylist for Napoleon to participate in the dog show, but was extremely disappointed when he refused to walk the ramp with her....and is now talking of how she had ill-treated her ..............and now is threatening her to report & file a case against her with the PETA......

Please Note : This article is a work of fiction with no disrespect intended on the characters in this article.

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Humour : Local MLA asks police to catch pigeons shitting on his statue

Uttar Pradesh : An MLA in the Uttar Pradesh assembly has ordered his area police to catch and jail pigeons after some of them used his statue as a prime spot to drop their poo.

Mr Banana Singh who won the last assembly elections decided to utilize 90% of the Area development funds to erect a bunch of statues all over his constituency to celebrate his victory.

He claimed that as a member of the lower caste he had done this service to help and empower the other lower caste people in his constituency, by helping the poor and disadvantaged sections of the society feel more confident in striving for a better future, after taking inspiration from his statues.

However most of his joy turned to anger at the sight of pigeons who had desecrated his statue by shitting on it despite his efforts to employ private guards to protect his statue, he has asked his area SP (Superintendent  of Police) to ensure that they catch and punish these pigeons. There have also been talks of him meeting the state finance minister and forcing him to introduce a new fund in the legislative assembly that would help train the local police in “pigeon-catching”

 As an added measure of protection to save his precious statues he has asked the local Mullah to also issue a fatwa to declare the pigeons as the ”Agents of the devil”, and is also contemplating on holding a huge “Yagna” to impress some Hindu gods to help him teach these pigeons a lesson.

Please Note : This article is a work of fiction with no disrespect intended on the characters in this article.

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Humour : High profile MP’s Dog ecstatic at getting Z-plus security cover

Uttar Pradesh : The Union Home Ministry has granted Z-plus security to an Influential high profile MP’s dog. Mr Bhrasht Kutta (Corrupt Dog) the MP’s favorite dog appears quite happy at this decision, he has responded by licking the photograph of the Union Home minister.

   As per RTI reports filed, it appears that Mr Bhrasht Kutta had a lot of security concerns regarding the presence of other dangerous dogs who roamed the streets, as per reports one of these dangerous dogs had barked ferociously at him, when he was urinating on the streetlight that his master had inaugurated a few days ago.

On being asked if there was any chance that he would have be rejected, Mr Kutta angrily barked that if he been rejected,  he would have covered the Home minister’s compound in Delhi with faeces and also bitten his Bottom.

   Now Mr Kutta would have his own entourage of 36 personnel with a couple of highly trained NSG Super black-cat commandos personally standing guard whenever he is urinating on any parked car or streetlight in his neighborhood, he would also get his own bullet & bomb proof vehicle with 2 police pilot cars all paid and financed by the taxpayer.

So now Mr Kutta is expectedly quite overjoyed with this development and is waiting  to show off his importance & his new security cover in front of the area sweetheart “Miss Kuttia” so as to increase  his chances of procreation with her….

Please Note : This article is a work of fiction with no disrespect intended on the characters in this article.

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Humour : Monkey fools Delhi University girls on Facebook

New Delhi : it has come to our notice that a Monkey in the Delhi zoo who is named “Prince” has opened a Facebook account and has befriended hundreds  of girls in Delhi, by posting a picture of a local TV actor on his profile.

All this started when some Indian scientists working in a nearby research laboratory installed a computer with an internet connection to study the intelligence of caged monkey’s .

A monkey called “Prince” who also the most mischievous little simian of the whole lot ( As per the zoo director) showed a lot of interest in this funny machine that made weird noises and showed great pictures.

As per the researchers this "Smart" simian was able to not only browse the internet but also make effective use of a popular social networking website to make a fool out of more educated being (The average Delhi – female).

Girls in Delhi have taken an umbrage to this event and have launched an agitation to remove “Prince” from Facebook, One DU girl Miss Jhumki Thumki has tweeted that “This event shows that the all-male creatures in the ape genealogy suffer from the MCP (Male Chauvinistic Pig) syndrome and should be horribly punished for attempts to make a fool out of the fairer sex.”

After this tweet a group of Delhi university girls landed up outside Prince’s cage in the zoo and started raising slogans against him. “Prince” & his monkey friends have responded by throwing their fecal matter at the girls……..

Please Note : This article is a work of fiction with no disrespect intended on the characters in this article.

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Humour : Indian Cows don’t like foreigners

 Varanasi: Cows on the lanes  in Varanasi have complained to their local MP on being hounded by foreigners, who they accuse of clicking too many pictures, often not allowing enough time for  the cows to pose for the camera. These bad pictures have often led to bad publicity and are ruining the “Gau - mata” brand that the Indian cows have enjoyed for centuries.
   
One cow “Champa” appeared to be quite irritated at the way these foreigners keep on clicking pictures before she can even pose for the picture, and to add insult to the injury, they don’t even offer any “Chapattis” or even pat her head after taking pictures in affection as most Indians do !!

     These cows have now formed an association called Indian Cows Against Foreigners (ICAF) and have threatened to wear black coloured bells and protest in front of these foreign embassies in Delhi. This powerful association has also warned the Indian public that they will stop producing milk for them if their complaints are not taken seriously.

    The local MP to whom they complained who is quite influential and a good friend of the External Affairs Minister, is now working on drafting a new set of laws, which will make clicking pictures of a cow without obtaining permission from the External affairs Ministry an offence. He has also stated on record that “We will take all necessary steps to reduce such incidents which threaten our position as a market leader in Dairy products in the world”.

Champa on the other hand is not quite pleased with the current progress that the government is making on the issue, and with some of her bovine friends has already decided to cover the local leader’s compound with her “Gobar” as a mark of protest.
 
Please Note : This article is a work of fiction with no disrespect intended on the characters in this article.

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