Humour : Local Ghost decides to fight Municipal Elections in East delhi

East Delhi : A local ghost Mr Khooni Chaacha quite unhappy with the performance of his local  Municipality, has decided to fight the local elections after he contracted the deadly dengue fever on being bitten by a mosquito, who lives in a hole outside his haveli.

Mr Khooni Chaacha who haunts the 1850 built haveli in Old delhi, has often tried unsuccessfully to complain to the Municipality against the increasing levels of water & trash that often accumulates outside his haveli.

Mr Khooni Chaacha had tried complaining to the Municipal Cooperation of Delhi (MCD) to have them cover the hole or remove the trash, but on seeing him and his 5 inch long teeth they had run away after submitting a letter requesting leave to their superiors, who also incidentally jumped out of their respective windows and fled in horror of a ghost roaming in the MCD office.

After gathering a lot of courage and taking a couple of ghost protection talisman's we finally managed to enter Mr Khooni Chaacha’s Haveli.

He appeared on the door with a large blanket draped on his head and carrying a couple of small box of tissues  in his right hand, as he seemed to be quite weakened by this sudden bout of dengue that had affected his strength and magical abilities that he proudly boasts of ,continously mentioning a tale of how he had chased a full team of  armed robbers a full five kilometers that had once tried to steal  an award which he had won at the annual "HUMAN SCARING COMPETITION". He Explained how the robbers had taken a fancy to the award due to its golden color and how he had used his magical powers to conjure up a cricket  bat  to thrash and chase them for a full 5 kilometers.

He then showed us the little hole that he had dug outside his Haveli to dump the bodies of his victims, while simultaneously expressing his disgust at the people living nearby who he claimed to be sick and tired of the weird creep and noisy parties that he used to organize, as they unanimously decided to teach him a lesson by dumping their trash in the hole in front of his haveli.

 

On the other hand the Mosquito who bit him stated in his interview to us that he was quite bored of biting humans  and that he wanted to do something new and had finally decided to bite Mr Khooni Chaacha.

Now Mr Khooni chaacha obviously perturbed by the attitude of the Municipal officers has decided to  fight the next municipal elections from East delhi and is currently looking for PR managers  who would prepare his campaign for the next elections.

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Humour : Monkey pays “Hafta” in banana's to animal services to continue terrorizing locals

Gorakhpur, UP : In another case of extreme corruption in the Uttar pradesh Government that has caught the eyes of the nation, A local Langur “Gobar Singh” that is quite famous for terrorizing the lanes of Gorakhpur, has been identified for paying his regular bribe of 3 dozen bananas to the local Animal catcher  to avoid getting caught and relocated to the nearest zoo.

        “Gobar Singh” has terrorized the colony of 200 odd people, who live in perpetual fear of this modern day terrorist, who is armed with sharp claws, and is often seen roaming around  the colony along with his band of 20-30 fellow simians.

       Gobar’s story starts from the time that he was captured by the local animal catcher,  who relocated him to the local zoo. There he was hounded and teased by these other uncouth barbarians (people visiting zoo) who used to come by his cage and make faces and throw rocks at him. Tormented & badly bruised he then vowed revenge on such filthy & disgusting beings that had led him to his miserable condition, and escaped after impersonating a local MLA who he had seen on TV in the UP Legislative assembly. We got to know later that due to certain similarities in the nature of their behaviour ( MLA’s & the Langur’s in a zoo) he managed to escape without raising even an eyelid. He then decided to take advantage of the  bribe giving culture that is prevalent in the society ,to make sure he gets to exact his revenge from the uncouth barbarians who had tormented him so much while he was caged in the zoo.

And now he and his group of brothers are often seen dancing to the tune of “Shiela Ki Jawani” from the radio that they managed to snatch from the local shopkeeper, and as his name suggests also throwing their own faeces at people in the colony.

 

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Humour : Rival Jihadi groups vow to bomb each other over the ownership of OBL’s donkey

Somewhere on the borders on Pakistan & Afghanistan : Two self-professed OBL following Jihadi factions have declared war on each other over the possession of OBL’s trusted donkey “Ee - Aaw”. Mr One-eyed Terrorist of the “Lashkar-e-Bandar” (Army of Monkeys) was heard declaring a holy war on “Lashkar-e-Cockroach” on a leaked videotape.

Mr One-eyed Terrorist stated that “Ee- Aaw” that OBL had hired for $20 had played a crucial role successfully in carrying OBL to safety, as he had outsmarted the Expensively educated five star generals who spent $100 Billion in tracking OBL.

He appeared quite agitated and also vowed to release a wave of suicide vest wearing monkey’s (for which his group is so famed for) on the rival faction who he mentioned as a disgusting cockroaches as they had plagued his terrorist camps with a huge army of cockroaches and had scared a lot of of his fellow simian jihadi’s to run for the nearest tree.

 “Ee-Aaw” is in the custody of the Pakistani intelligence agencies who are sheltering him from the American CIA. Our secret resource in the Pakistani intelligence network has stated that “Ee-Aaw” has a special stable made for him that has 2 Air-conditioners and has been in good spirits as he was on a special diet of A grade radish’s and also had a pool for himself in a large mansion somewhere in Rawalpindi ,Pakistan

On conducting secret enquiries about Mr Terrorist’s  actual reason for this fresh Jihad to capture Ee-Aaw, it appeared that Mrs Terrorist actually needed a new donkey, and Mr Terrorist’s  actual mission was to get this famous donkey to ferry his wife & her goods from the market.

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Humour : Parrot bites owners nose thinking it is a Samosa !!

Lucknow  : It turned out to be a bloody Saturday Morning for Chotte Miyan, for one his 12 pet parrot’s which he had named after the legendary Mughal ruler “Akbar”, tired of being fed Cream Cracker & the usual dried fruits & nuts, decided to try out the taste of Chotte Miyan’s nose and bit him thinking of it as a big Samosa.

 “Akbar” has officially stated that media has been portraying him in bad light, as he was just tired of eating the usual “Cream-Crackers”, and was simply trying to taste what looked to him like a flying samosa in an extremely dark room, which unfortunately for Chotte Miyan was his golden coloured nose.

He was also unhappy with the negative media coverage with the news of this incident being covered by all the major news channels, and exclaimed his unhappiness at some of the news anchors, that have run TV news shows branding him as the “Khooni Tota” (Blood sucking parrot), while sounding extremely agitated at one self-proclaimed God man who was invited on a TV channel, actually branding him as the reincarnation of Count Dracula as a parrot. 

He also expressed his unhappiness at the  falling standards of human intelligence and the TV channels that propagate & broadcast such garbage over the length and breadth of the country, which the indian population relishes  with so much eagerness.

On the other hand Mr Chotte Miyan invited the nearby madrassa mullah to check for any traces of this vampire in the 12 parrots that he keeps as pets. The Mullah checked all the parrots for any traces of this hidden Dracula & also issued a fatwa on the Parrots in India to refrain from biting their owners noses.

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Humour : Tv Saas finally dies after attending the marriage of her 7th generation offspring

Mumbai : We finally have reports coming in that character Badi Mummy (Great Mother) in the TV soap  Kyunki Great Great Great Grand Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi nicknamed as KGGGGSBKBTin the TV soap circles has finally died after watching her 7^th generation offspring getting married.

The scriptwriters utilized an entire episode to portray her death which happened as she accidentally stepped on a sharp object while performing a perfect 10 minute jig on the latest Bollywood item-song ”Sheila Ki jawani”, The TV scriptwriters mentioned that she could be between 180-200 years old.

After watching the tearful demise of Badi Mummy on TV, one fan of this serial Mr Couch potato burst into tears, he had been an ardent follower of KGGGGSBKBT and has professed to have watched all the 900 episodes right from the time that Badi Mummy was a 6 year old girl to the 200 year old lady appearing on TV in the past 6 years.

Apparently this death on TV has caused a lot of grief to all the ladies in India who used to watch this serial and were quite big admirers of Badi Mummy. There has been some friction between the producer & the director of the show about the death as the producer wanted to make sure that she would be alive to see her 10^th generation offspring as well. “You see the show must go on” he lamented “The Indian public loves some drama, so what if she is 300 years old”.

The actress who plays Badi Mummy on the other hand is not quite keen on her continuing the show as she had to perform  6 different roles in the serial where she had to play the identical looking role of the mother & daughter 3 times, and was tired of her showing up as being kidnapped  (21 Times) and falling in love (18 times).

The writer of the soap appeared too confused to comment with the way the story was progressing, as apparently he had forgotten how many generations had passed with Badi Mummy in the lead role.

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